Week 8 Progress So Far

Here is another progress update:

RESEARCH:

I did research on other games about trans experiences to better nail down what I want to do on the planned interlude cutscenes.

Two of those games were Clarity and Fit In. In Clarity, players transform into a magical girl at night. This represents the wish fulfillment that many trans people experience in wanting to live as our proper gender. While Fit In requires players to complete puzzles with pieces that don't fit into the standard mold. Both of these games serve as metaphors for the trans experience, and I think that'd be a great way to handle the interludes between the traditionally playable scenes.

Perhaps the most interesting game I found on the trans experience was Jennifer Raye's Boa Retina. Boa Retina uses abstract visuals to depict the messy feelings that come with gender dysphoria. I've worked with abstract visuals before to try to convey my feelings, usually in poorly drawn scribbles, as depicted below. I'm wondering if this style might be a good fit for me and a different way of expressing the feelings I'm trying to get across in addition to the traditional walking simulator.

The point of these interludes, however, was to get in direct quotes from the surveys. I could still use those during the interludes, but they might also seem out of place. I do think creating a sort of hazy dream state inbetween the traditional moments could work really well to both add to the discomfort, as well as depict feelings.

I also spent time at the Yorkshire Games Festival. This proved to be highly informative to where I took certain parts of this project. While all of the speakers recounting their experiences informed me in some way, the most useful to this project ended up being the talk on Star Wars Battlefront VR by the Criterion Games developers, Kieran Crimmins and James Scensson. I honestly didn't expect a big AAA game based on a licensed IP was going to help me very much, but in recounting their experiences in developing for VR, I learned various dos and don'ts.

Specifically, the most interesting thing I got out of the talk was how they handled a character's inner voice. This is something I'm a bit worried about. Do I give my character a voice to react to things? And if I do, how do I make it sound like it's coming from the player and not just a game character? After the panel, I put my social anxiety aside and chased after the devs to ask them about it. They told me that they made the voice sound like it was coming from inside the player's head and to not really too much on this technique for exposition, but instead for relating emotional reactions. They also told me to look into a GDC talk from a dev that worked on their audio. I will hopefully go into more detail on that in my next blog entry.

Overall, just taking the time to listen to game dev talks and talk to developers was enlightening, inspring, and immensely helpful. I'm glad I took the time out to go.

 MODELLING:

Of the modelling, most of my time was spent on toilets. I should them to peers and they thought the models were definitely recognizable as toilets. I'm considering using grimier textures on the toilets used in the men's bathroom. In addition to adding realism, I think it'll make the environment feel like a more oppressive place if the player chooses to use that restroom instead of the women's.

Some of my other models included other bathroom objects and objects for the clothes store. The cash register's detail can be a bit more difficult to make out in image form than in the game engine with decent lighting. I'm hoping to use constraining joint for the clothes on the rack so that parts will move when touched while the rest stays in place. That way the objects will feel more real, but the player won't mess up the scene touching them.


DEMO VERSION:

I made a rough demo version of the first scene, but as you'll see in the setbacks portion of my post, there's a lot I can't do with it just yet. Hoping to have something resembling my "game" by the end of the week, but it's difficult to see if that'll be possible.

SETBACKS:

There were a lot of setbacks this week and they've been difficult to deal with. I'll try to outline each one clearly, but I still worry it'll come across as excuses for falling behind.

My meeting with the lecturer I planned to discuss actors with fell through. He was sick that day, which obviously can't be helped. However, multiple attempts at emailing him have been met with no replies. I'll have to find actors elsewhere. While I could maybe find voice actors online (I have at least one friend online who is a professional radio host in New York), finding actors for authentic motion capture will be more difficult, especially since I can't use the motion capture lab during the weekend.

While the university has the HTC Vive available for students, there are no computers that I'm aware of that have the necessary software installed. I've been trying for the last three weeks to get it installed to no avail. I've been told by multiple people to go to other people who then send me back to the people I first asked. I've just emailed someone else about it and I'm hoping this goes somewhere. My computer needs a graphics card upgrade to use the Vive but for this week, I'll try using it anyway since it's the best I have.

Lastly, the worst setback over this period has been the harassment that the brunt of this game is about. On the weekends, when I'm with my girlfriend, I try to spend a portion of the time out and about as myself. The last few times I've done this, I've received some of the worst harassment I've experienced in girl mode and it has sent me into a deep spiral of depression. Two weeks ago, it was people running out of a store just to point and laugh at me. Three days ago, it was people violently yelling the "t-word" slur at me in dark area with no one around. All this while learning about new anti-trans headlines in UK newspapers every day. These experiences are why I'm making this game, but they also make the subject matter raw and difficult to deal with.

I'm setting up some peer counselling meetings with the Leeds Gender Identify Clinic which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. They'll hopefully help me learn to go forward with this and maybe provide inspiration for the project as a whole.

CONCLUSION:

I think I'm making good progress in spite of the setbacks, but the setbacks are very hard to deal with. I hope to meet with my supervisor as soon as possible to discuss how to properly manage them.